Guest Blog: Mike Woody
In response to a friend who was praising the beauty of Angelina Jolie, I stated that she’s not even in my Top 20 list of Sexiest Women. I’ve never understood the fascination that so many males have with her.
“Wow, that must be a tough list!” He replied. Which made me wonder, who is on the list. So I’m going to compose my Top 20 list of sexiest women. Some of my selections may surprise you, as I have a varied taste. I’ll only include those in the entertainment industry, not anyone in my personal life. They are in no particular order.
1. Jennifer Aniston – A good place to start, there’s a couple reasons that um, poke out at me. In the battle against Angelina, who Brad Pitt chose over Aniston, I of course side with the hottie from ‘Friends.’
2. Amanda Bynes – Yes, she’s legal and is hard to find these days but is totally adorable.
3. Judith Light – Yes, you read that correctly. She’s the leading reason of why I now have a thing for Cougars. I grew up watching her on ‘Who’s the Boss,’ and while most boys had their eyes glued to Alyssa Milano, I was lusting for the older woman.
4. Cameron Diaz- There’s Something About her.
5. Lori Loughlin – Yeah, the Olsen twins were cute, but she was my favorite part about ‘Full House (and Candace Cameron /DJ). Has aged to perfection and can now be seen on Beverly Hills, 90210.
6. Julie Bowen – Simply a beautiful woman and very pleased (literally) for the opportunity to watch her on a weekly basis on ‘Modern Family.’
7. Brittany Snow – Admittedly, I first saw her as a teen on ‘Guiding Light’, then witnessed her mature on the short lived ‘American Dreams.’ Am anxiously waiting for her to reveal more of herself someday.
8. Marcia Cross – Is a tough choice, but is my favorite ‘Desperate Housewife.’ It’s not the red hair, I think it’s the elegance her character portrays.
9. Amy Poehler – Her look is a little different, can’t describe it, but I like it. I think she’s beautiful and very funny too.
10. Aubrey Plaza – Who? She’s also on the sitcom, ‘Parks & Recreation’ with Poehler. Her eyes captivate me. Is sexy without trying to be.
11. Maureen McCormick – A sentimental pick as like most every other American male, I grew up with a crush on Marcia Brady.
12. Clare Danes – Another pure beauty!
13. Eva Longaria – I said that Marcia Cross was my favorite Desperate Housewife, but not the only one on the list.
14. Terri Hatcher – I sure am going to miss that show.
15. Courtney Cox – Hard to believe she’s a Cougar now.
16. Kirsten Dunst – She’s worthy of a super hero’s love and finally had some revealing roles last year.
17. Cynthia Watros – Not very widely known, but is very beautiful. I fell her on ‘Guiding Light,’ and since appeared on ‘Titus,’ ‘Drew Carey Show,’ and ‘LOST.’
18. Drew Barrymore – She has a number of different looks, but all of them are sexier than Angelina.
19. Rooney Mara – She goes totally against my type in ‘The Girl With A Dragon Tattoo,’ yet attracted me, even more so when I saw her out of costume.
20. Amy Adams – She just looks so sweet.
That’s my list, had some ‘hard’ choices and being that mostly women will probably be reading this, I’m not sure if I captured much interest. However, I promise that ‘Twisted Hearts Tales,’ will be much more enjoyable to read. I used up all my good stuff in the book.
Blurb: Four stories of romance, in which the path towards love is filled with twists and turns. An awkward teen gets caught up in the fantasy of an online love affair which he wants to delete. One woman’s heart will stop at nothing to win the affection of her dream man, who is married to her sister. More than the waves are turbulent when an engaged couple go sailing with an old friend. And a teen makes the ultimate sacrifice to earn a young beauties attention.
It was the fastest I’d ever scanned three bags of groceries as it was my final customers before Mr. Grant said I could take my lunch break. I was in a hurry to spend the remaining minutes of Shelly’s break with her and interrupt her time with Luke, who’d been given a head start.
My sack lunch in hand, I could hear the sweet cackle of Shelly’s laughter as I approached the small break room at the back of the store.
My entrance caused no interruption to their festivities of Shelly chasing Luke around the table for her purse, barely able to run from laughing so hard at his taunts.
Though my appetite had been lost, I took a seat.
“You’re going to be late,” Luke said, waving the purse in front of her.
“Give it to me,” Shelly begged through her laughter, lunging up for it.
In the corner stood Max, Luke’s friend, who was never very far behind and had few redeeming qualities. Perhaps its why Luke hung around him so much. Max would never steal Luke’s thunder.
“Hey Andy, catch!”
Prepared to drink my soda with the can held up to my mouth, I turned and saw the purse sailing through the air towards me and before I could react, it hit my hand, causing the soda to spill all over me.
“Nice catch,” Luke said.
“Looks like he pissed his pants,” Max laughed hysterically.
“Diapers are in aisle six,” Luke said.
The humiliation being poured on, I saw Shelly being dropped even further into oblivion.
“The purse, the purse, don’t let her get the purse,” Luke yelled.
It sat in front of me on the table, where it had landed and as Shelly lunged for it, I had the chance to grab it back, but I didn’t want to give Luke the pleasure of continuing the game.
“Thanks Andy,” she tapped me on the head as she retrieved her purse. You’re so sweet.”
The feel of her gentle touch eased the pain of the humiliation.
“What a wuss,” Luke moaned.
“I’m sorry about your pants, Andy,” Shelly said. “And good luck with these bullies, I have to get back to work.”
The comment caught me off guard and before I could compose myself enough to respond, she was gone.
“What a hot piece of ass,” Luke said.
The utterance crashed me down from my high. It bothered me to hear her talked about only as a sexual object when she should be respected and admired as so much more. Guys like Luke and Max cared nothing about her heart and personality, they only noticed her body.
“I wonder if she wears a thong,” Max mused.
“We’ll never know.”
I can honestly say, that as much as I’ve longed for Shelly, such thoughts had never crossed my mind. I didn’t lower myself to think of her in such standards.
“Come on, you could get in her pants. She has the hots for you,” Max said.
Luke shook his head. “She’s too pure.”
“I bet you could dirty her.”
I didn’t like the look of consideration on Luke’s face.
“I bet in one night she’d give it up to you.”
“I bet in one night she’d give it up to you.”
“Really?” Luke grinned, rubbing his chin. “That’s a very sweet offer, literally. How much?”
Max balked at the mention of money.
“Come on, I’m not putting myself out there for nothing. How much?”
“Ummmmm,” Max stammered, “fifty dollars?”
“Deal,” Luke smiled, hand extended.
My stomach turned as they shook on it. The girl I cherished and respected so highly had been reduced in their eyes as nothing more than a sexual conquest.
Their beady eyes turned to me. “Not a word of this to Shelly or anyone, do you hear me? Or I’ll make sure you’ll never see your wet dream princess again,” Luke threatened. “If I score, I’ll give you all the details because I know it’s as close as you’ll ever come to getting lucky.”
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Thanks so much for having me!