Multi Faceted People

This blog post has been floating around in my mind for a couple of weeks now, but what with the mad rush in the lead up to Eroticon and several other bits and pieces going on, I haven’t had chance to do it justice.

Now is the time. And actually, I’m glad now that I’m writing this piece after Eroticon because some of the things I learned and conversations I had will add to it.

I’ve blogged about this to an extent in guest posts on other sites, but I don’t think I’ve ever actually covered it here, which is mad, when you think about it. I want to have a little rant on my own website!

I suppose I’d better tell you what I’m talking about, hadn’t I?

It’s about erotica and erotic romance writers being multi faceted people. If you’re one of those writers, I suspect you’re now sitting there nodding and knowing pretty much where this post is going to go. You might even stop reading. But I want to get it off my chest, so there you have it.

Woman in PVCThis issue came up again a couple of weeks ago when I had a very interesting evening. I ended up sitting in a pub with two other erotic writers, an erotic artist and the erotic artist’s partner. Naturally, much of the conversation was about erotica writing and art, but it was also about other writing, other art. We all laughed at the reactions we’d probably get from the people around us if we stood up and announced what we did – but to be honest, none of us were all that bothered.

Why? Because we knew that despite what other people may think, there is so much more to us than erotica. It was proven in other topics we covered: litter, the outdoors, the environment, Pinterest, QR Codes, metalwork, moving house, divorce, children, health, pets… you get the idea. I’m sure I haven’t even mentioned half of what we chatted about. But the fact is we sat and chatted about a ton of things, despite the fact that the thing that had brought us together in the first place was erotica. None of us were sitting there in PVC clothing (though what the others were wearing underneath their clothes, I don’t know, nor do I want to!), wielding whips and trying to hump the nearest thing that moved. Because we’re just normal people – albeit with a fascinating facet of our lives. And, just because we write such naughty stories, doesn’t mean we live them.

I shouldn’t complain too much, because I know most people (including myself) are guilty of putting others into boxes, whatever their profession. We stereotype people – and we shouldn’t. Not all accountants are suit and spectacle-wearing bores with calculators in their pockets. Not all librarians are dowdy, spectacle-wearing, wouldn’t-say-boo-to-a-goose types. Not all builders have their arses hanging out and whistle and leer at every woman walking past.

FiremenNot all firemen are hot. (Sadly)

This topic fermented further in my mind last weekend, when I spent time with even more erotica writing people. Yes, we were at a gathering called Eroticon and that was our primary common interest. But once the day was over and we went off for dinner, drinks and chat, we didn’t just talk about erotica and sex. Of course, we talked about it – quite a bit actually. But again, we covered so many other topics – the craft of writing, our pasts, our education, how we met our other halves, pets (especially guinea pigs – just ask Victoria Blisse), children, policemen (several kept wandering in and out of the hotel lobby), travel, the outdoors, hot guys, careers, postmen, greengrocers and much more.

WritingWe didn’t draw any attention from the people around us, and nor did we want to. We just wanted to chat freely about whatever the hell we wanted – so we did. Writing took up much of our time, mainly because in our day to day lives, we don’t have people we can sit face to face with and discuss it in length. We all email regularly, but it’s not the same as sitting down at a table and chatting about the thing we love so much – which is also the thing that brought us together.

OutdoorsAnd that’s the beauty of the get togethers. They may be infrequent, but they’re always fun and we have some of the most interesting conversation.

But not, as so many people may think, just about sex and erotica. There’s so much more to us than that. We’re multi faceted, and the people that don’t ‘get’ it will do well to remember that.

I know that if you’re here (and still reading!!) that I’m preaching to the converted, but it was on my mind and it wanted to come out. So I let it. I’m all done now. Much better šŸ˜‰

18 Responses to "Multi Faceted People"

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  1. Rea Thomas

    March 9, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    Excellent blog post! I couldn’t agree more with this, Lucy. It’s true that erotica writers are pigeon holed, but I have no doubt that unless I told people what I did they would NEVER guess in a million years. Enjoyed reading this!

    Rea x

  2. K D Grace

    March 9, 2012 at 12:49 pm

    Thanks for this, Lucy! I’ve had a rant or two on my own blog about this subject. I reckon every person who writes erotica has, and I don’t think it can be said often enough.

    I’m always amazed at the depths and the diversity of my friends who write erotica. They are truly some of the most interesting people I know, and NOT just because they are as filthy-minded as I am.

    Personally I think it is BECAUSE we are so multi-faceted that we write erotica. Erotica is a beautifully creative outlet for the many facets of who we are, and it’s almost tailor-made for diversity.

    Thanks again for the well-timed rant.

    Kx

  3. JacquelineB

    March 9, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    Indeed! People do tend to box people in to make it easier for them to understand, forgetting that the make of a human being is not ‘they are an x’, but ‘they are an x, and a y, and a z, and a q, and a b, and k’…it is true that some people will only want to know the one thing about you (readers, for instance, may not be particularly fussed about what else goes on in our lives), but that’s their loss, because all of what we are informs the other aspects of our lives whether we realise it or not.

    Did I just get a bit philosophical there? Excuse me, I need lunch.

  4. Mitnik

    March 9, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    It always amuses me that my Aunty wonders how Vic has time to write because we must be shagging so much because she writes Erotica. It is weird that perception that because we are open to the erotic we must be sex fiends capable of nothing else.

    We are just ordinary people, living ordinary lives but maybe we are just a touch more honest and open and for that we should be proud šŸ˜‰

  5. Lucy Felthouse

    March 9, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    Thanks for your comments, everyone. I suspected this post would generate some discussion.

    Had to laugh at yours, especially, Mitnik about your aunty thinking you shag constantly. If only, eh? šŸ˜‰

  6. Scarlett Parrish

    March 9, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    Yup. I write erotica but it’s not ALL I am. People seem to think you’re all about the sex, or that it’s okay to cross the line of social decency when you reveal what you write. As if “I write erotica,” translates to “Feel free to sexually harass me.”

    It’s a real bugbear of mine, and it’s come about from hearing “Need any help with research?” one too many times.

  7. Roz Lee

    March 9, 2012 at 4:07 pm

    Oh, if only they could see me cleaning the toilets and sweeping the floors! LOL Of course, I do that in between mattress marathons – or so they think. Great rant, Lucy, and so very true.

  8. Lily Harlem

    March 9, 2012 at 5:22 pm

    Well said, Lucy, and yes, a perfectly timed post.

    If only people who judge could just remember the hats we all wear, even in just one day – mother/daughter/wife/friend/carer/shopper/lover/writer/sister/cleaner/gardener.. I could go on. So of course, one million things to converse about. I just thank the Lord that I can and do converse about sex a lot, though probably more so in the company of other writers who get me!

    And yes, it is a shame all firemen are not hot, but quite a few policemen are!!

  9. Kellie Kamryn

    March 9, 2012 at 7:11 pm

    It’s very true – there is so much more to a person than what they do for a living. Judging a book by its cover in real life isn’t cool. People are so much more than they are on the outside. If a person lets you see the real you, it’s quite a privilege! GReat post!

  10. Mitnik

    March 10, 2012 at 1:34 am

    Sex all the time is over-rated, you miss out on knowing the person you are having sex with. The connections you build outside the bedroom make those moments within all the more special.

    ..and it’s the same in erotic reading the stories were the characters develop that lust are much better than the wham bam thank you mam sort!

    (sorry for taking stuff off-topic.. one of my own rants I might haveto write about at some point *lol*)

  11. Lucy Felthouse

    March 10, 2012 at 9:58 am

    @scarlett – don’t even get me started with the sexual harassment thing, that could be a whole new blog post!

    @roz – I suppose people think we have slave boys and girls doing our housework for us! šŸ˜‰

    @lily – but the policemen and firemen are so much hotter in our stories than real life! šŸ˜‰

    @kellie – that’s right! And since people only know us for our writing, they wrongly assume that’s all we’re about.

    @mitnik – I know what you mean. Though I think there’s a place in erotica for the stories with more build up *and* the wham-bam sort – it all depends on what you’re looking for in a story. Plus if you’re given a brief to write, say, a 1,500 word maximum story, there’s not much time for anything else! šŸ˜‰

  12. Rebecca Bond

    March 10, 2012 at 11:01 am

    Fantastic post, Lucy!

    It really annoys me that when people discover we write erotica they assume it somehow defines us. Yes, it is obviously a part of who we are, but more than the ‘erotica’ aspect is the writing aspect. We are wordsmiths with a passion for the English language…the written word, and many of us write things other than erotica also. I’m a features writer for a magazine and an author of crime fiction as well as erotica. I’m a sister, a daughter, a friend, a writer, a lover, with many passions that include things well outside the realm of erotica – forensic psychology and policing, music, period dramas, travel – the list is endless!

    As authors of erotica, despite public opinion, we are *not* sex-crazed nymphomaniacs or uneducated airheads (another thing I’ve been accused of being recently!).

    Goodness, had a little rant of my own there! R x

  13. Carla Croft

    March 10, 2012 at 11:04 am

    Hi Lucy

    I totally agree.

    Writers tend to have a wide repository of experience. They say that to write you must write what you know. That does not mean that you have to have experienced everything that you write about, but it does mean you have a wealth of experience to draw from to describe something to make it live for your reader.

    Love

    Carla

  14. Victoria Blisse

    March 10, 2012 at 11:31 am

    I’m in complete agreement, mate. We are people, we just kinda like writing about sex. And I’m a Christian, a mum, a sister, a daughter, a guinea pig owner (poor old Star is going to have to sit on the orange hillock isn’t he?)a baker,a craft lover and a wife. That is me as much as my erotica writing, I’m a mixed bag, baby and proud of it.

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  16. Kay Jaybee

    March 12, 2012 at 5:40 pm

    Sorry I haven’t had time to read this one before- excellent post- well said! Get sick to death of people making assumptions about me because I happen to be okay at this sex writing lark. Grump!! This very day for example, sadly, I have had to remove a post on my ‘home’ FB from a dear friend congratulating me on my Independent appearance. One of her friends wives disapproved, and has made her husband defriend aforementioned friend!!! Does she think I will contaminate him (whoever he is!)- do I leap on every passing male and beg to practise what I write!! I think not! Can’t people get into into their heads that I am a qualified person, with way too many degrees, who has served a long apprenticeship in writing to get this far. I am proud of what we all do- but some people!! UGGGGGGGGGG. Rant over!! xx

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