Bitten

If you choose to buy or rent this DVD simply based on the cover, then I suspect you’ll be disappointed. The large-breasted, crazed-looking vampire on the front is actually quite creepy. In reality, however, the film isn’t.  It’s actually a comedy/horror – though I’d definitely place more emphasis on the comedy.

Jack (Jason Mewes of Jay and Silent Bob fame) is a hard-working paramedic whose girlfriend has just left him. Giving up hope of ever finding someone else who will put up with him working the graveyard shift, he sinks into despair. One night, however, things change. On his way to his flat in an area renowned for junkies, he spots a young girl (Erica Cox) lying in the street. At first, he ignores her, but then his caring side kicks in and he goes to make sure she’s OK. What he wasn’t expecting was for her to be completely covered in blood. She refuses to go to hospital, so Jack takes her in and looks after her.

After cleaning her up, Jack realises just how beautiful Danika is and starts to develop a crush on her, despite believing she’s a junkie – which she vehemently denies. Hours later, though and she’s displaying typical signs of withdrawal and Jack is forced to admit that she is in fact, a drug user. He doesn’t know what to do for the best and so he goes off to work.

What Jack later comes back to changes his life forever and makes him realise Danika was telling the truth – it wasn’t drugs her body was craving – it was blood. What follows is an amusing tale of how Jack deals with the fact he’s dating a vampire.

I’d read the blurb before watching this movie and yet I still wasn’t prepared for how it was going to be. I was expecting a little humour, but this was just crazy. It’s bordering on a complete spoof of vampire movies. In some respects it’s quite serious, dealing with the relationship between Jack and Danika and how it affects his work life – but on the other hand it makes a total mockery of being a vampire. What it definitely wasn’t, though, was scary. There were parts where the scene was set and I was expecting someone to jump out or something to happen – but it didn’t work out that way. The ending was pretty lame too.

The main problem with this film is it didn’t know what it wanted to be. It was trying to be funny and scary – and as a result fell flat on both parts. If they’d concentrated on making it one or the other, it could have been a really good film. Unfortunately, though, it wasn’t. Watch it if you want to laugh at vampires, otherwise I wouldn’t bother.

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